halloween

this week has been so long and it's only wednesday
halo is so bummed out about this nasty nastasio weather. we can't go out and play. i am bummed out too. will i ever be allowed to let her walk wild on the leash or does she always have to behave?
power is a bigger part of my life right now than ever before.
i don't like it and i don't care.
some people need to feel like they have it, have it over you; some people.
totally annoying and not what i am into.

people want me to text them, but i feel like i have nothing to say

will this rain ever stop??? i could say that.

for the 2nd time in less than 10 hours, Joe Jackson's song Steppin Out has played in my life....
and there is a line "we'll dress in pink and blue just like a child. and in a yellow taxi, turn to me and smile. we'll be there in just a while, if you follow me"

joe jackson! it's weird that you share a name with michael jackson's dad.

i want to get out of here, out of this house and out of this funk.
it's lonesome and it sucks

things that have happened:

 

sprouts

 

 besties

 fancy meeps

 E.T. Feet

 welcome your baby to the world with some tasty beers

 woods in the fall

 

 lentil madness

 my sparkly cactus and me with straight hair

 lake erie

and this thing

 

Ratsi Ratso ratsu

lois the gay dog

Trash

TRASH!

chicken

ugh.
today i very briefly communicated with someone
in the communication, i referred to myself as being "chicken"



i must be just as mixed up as the bluth family about "chicken" because i am not chicken.
i'm pissed off

barfbags
balls
and mostly other disgusting things.

i miss P.B. and R

Puck and Beba and Ratso were like step children to me.
i love them and miss them so much.

they were all so cute and snuggle worthy.

 

 

and for no other reason than needing to laugh:

meanwhile...in lovely glenwillow oh....

omg dating

omg, dating is the pits. dislike. dislike. dislike.

there is all this: does he like me? does he like me too much? do i like him? do i like him too much? should i call him? why didn't he call me? why does he call too much? can i text him? why is he not texting me? is he seeing someone else? should i see someone else? do i like him enough? ...omg, it's paranoia and bipolar/mania all rolled into one neurotic roller coaster ride.

when i was 19 or 20, i met eric and i was like ok. let's get married. lol, i  took it lightly. no biggie, ok let's do it.

i feel like i have lived two separate lives.
like there was my first life that ended when i was 27 and now there is this one and i am scared that i will have to wait 19 or 20 years before i find someone again. at least i am already 7 years in. 7 years and 2 totally gross heart breaks, some freaky weirdos, and a nice one sprinkled in here or there.

i want to find someone who wants to do the following:

have a good time
play with halo
like old school hip hop / rap
like all music
like ELO
like art a lot
like me more
like my parents and friends
drink beer
love sex
like walking in the woods, sometimes in the snow, with lowey or without

like video games
like eating food a lot
like being a weirdo a lot
like and appreciate a messy house
like practicing rodney dangerfield jokes on one another
not obsessed with anything bad or gross
obsessed with something great like saving animals or painting murals or chasing monsters.
not guilty, not crabby, not blue, not grouchy, not ugly on the inside.

relax
be open minded
try new food
try new routes
try new moods
try new views
try new feelings
try new books, clothes, hair dos, hair don'ts, deodorants, pastas, flavors,  etc.
relax
function minimally on sundays
eat veggie chili
go on vacation
maybe make a baby (maybe not though, maybe just practice)
make fun of everything
not be mad if i my jokes are inappropriate or if i swear too much
laugh at all animals (especially dogs)
pet animals that we meet on the street
look for something good in me
like me even if i am chubby
like the job i have
think i am pretty
like halo
and like macey and michelle and franz.
there are several other traits and interests that i am open to or willing to take a look at.

 

 

 

ugh

that's just how my shit feels today...ugh